Dating has not been explicitly discussed in the Bible, though Timothy 5:1-2 provides us a guide in how we should treat each other, shared Lisa Anderson – director of the Boundless website and host of The Boundless Show – on 13th of August at The Dating Manifesto Conference at Glad Tidings Assembly of God, Petaling Jaya, organized by Focus on the Family Malaysia.
Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. (1 Timothy 5:1b-2)
So, here are the tips to date successfully:
#1 Call it a date
“Men will do best by calling a meet-up with a woman they are interested in as a date. Do not leave any ambiguity in her mind and attempt to mask it in a noble pursuit like a mission trip or a bible study group.”
As for the ladies, have good reasons to reject a man who asks you out. “Only if he physically scares you, then don’t go out with him. But this is a level playing field. If you are gonna sit down and look down your nose, you will be single. Accept the date.”
Also, men are advised to pay the bill first, as an opportunity to shine and show ownership. If the man pays for her friends as well for one of the meals together, this man is getting favour from her friends. “You have earned additional points and you are running your own P. R. campaign. It’s a great thing to do. It’s expected that a brother treats his sisters-in-Christ.”
In first dates as well, women do best by not interrogating their dates with difficult questions such as sins he struggle with or topics pertaining to past relationships. But keep the conversation light and fun. Another advice is to pick an activity to do together, instead of awkwardly staring at each other.
#2 Define the relationship
The relationship should be defined after five to six dates, to guard and protect each other’s heart. It is a time to either fish or cut the bait for both sides, to not waste each other’s time.
Based on the book ‘Sacred Marriage’ by Gary Thomas, Anderson shared how we should leave the person better at the end of a relationship than how we began. “That’s a great thing to keep in mind because so often, we think about what we are going to take from a relationship.”
If we see the person we are dating as a brother or sister-in-Christ whom we are accountable to before God, we glorify Him. God looks at the way we treat them or talk about them before, during, and after a relationship. “We need to bear in mind that this person will most likely be someone’s future spouse and we are responsible for each other’s heart and purity.”
#3 Give the person a chance after the first date
If the first date was bad, do not give up on the person but go out with the person a few more times. Any lack of interest should be communicated clearly with respect, honesty, and kindness. Leave no room for ambiguity so that the other person can seek other opportunities for romantic relationship.
#4 Dating takes real time and space
Anderson shared how online dating is good, as long as we do not have the consumeristic type of mindset. None of us should look at a person like a commodity to buy based on a list of superficial qualities. “Online dating can put us in a position of power and we like that.”
But instead of furtively seeking an online date, we need to be honest and open to people that we are accountable to. It is important that we are not using online dating as a reason to avoid what we refuse to do in person. “You need to choose a timeframe, geographical location, and team to have a sense of movement in the process.”
If the person you know lives in another geographical location, at one point, either one needs to move into the same space. “People who are talking online are online pals and not dates. If you want a real relationship, take that to real time and space, by calling and meeting. Craft a profile that is realistic, grounded in truth, and represents you well as a person.”
NOTE: Lisa Anderson has written a book called The Dating Manifesto, which content is briefly shared in this article. For more in-depth insights, you can purchase this book here.
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