“My dad will not be there in my wedding because he had cancer when I was thirty years old,” shared Lisa Anderson – director of the Boundless website and host of The Boundless Show – on 13th of August at the The Dating Manifesto Conference at Glad Tidings Assembly of God, Petaling Jaya, organized by Focus on the Family Malaysia. “There’s nothing wrong with having some grief of being single.”
Singleness can be challenging, especially when we have a desire for marriage. Not only that, men and women who want to get married are falsely shamed, negatively labelled as the faint-hearted who dare not venture into singlehood. But we know that desire for marriage is a noble pursuit, and should be honoured by all (Hebrews 13:4).
Ice-breaking session
Ice-breaking session
In fact, God wants us to grieve and complain about our singleness to Him. “I love how the psalmist says that we can pour out our complains and troubles to God (Psalm 142:2). God can take them all. Not only He cares about us, He is the one who has the power to do something about it. We need to put all our eggs like Ruth did in God’s basket.”
Anderson shared how a woman left her apartment wall empty for close to a decade, thinking she would eventually hang up her wedding pictures when she meets her life partner. But instead of waiting for someone to enter a relationship with us to begin a life, let us purposefully live out our singleness.
There are many benefits of being single. For example, Anderson found great freedom and flexibility from going to impromptu dates with her friends and hiking up the mountains near her home. She also found great opportunities for self-reflection and self-improvement.
Lisa Anderson
However, being single is not about being self-focused. “We are called to be followers of Jesus Christ – to be serving others and sacrificing ourselves – in an intentional way.”
Also, Anderson shared that it is very important for single Christians to go against the culture that breeds isolation. Sometimes, we communicate behind the digital screens so much that we forget how to communicate with people in a real way, face-to-face.
Jesus Christ set for us a great example of a real relationships. He had 500 people in His sphere, followed by 12 disciples whom he walked and lived with, and finally the three disciples who were his closest friends.
Although some of us may be terrified with real relationships, we missed the blessings of deep relationships with people. Firstly, relationships allow us to know and to be known, and to love and to be loved. None of us are called to live in isolation but in a community with one another (Hebrews 10:24-24).
Attendees of the Dating Manifesto Conference in Glad Tidings AOG, Petaling Jaya
Secondly, relationships provide the platform for accountability and improvement. Scripture says, ‘As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another’ (Proverbs 27:17). “Being in accountable relationships is not about you but it’s about God.”
Thirdly, relationships allow us to directly change and influence one another. “We are expected to change the world but very few of us are going to do the flat-out crazy thing. But all of us have the power to change someone’s day by a word of encouragement. Someone can change us as well through guidance.”
Ice breaking session
A great way to be in relationships is to serve in church or join a connect group. Take the first step to be real to the people around us by being bold to share something vulnerable about ourselves. This is because every relationship requires a form of openness and vulnerability.
Lastly, Anderson shared that we are all going to experience the ultimate picture of marriage in Heaven, which is us being with God forever. “We are going to live in eternity and not be caught up in another person. There is so much to look forward in the future. Are you serving God? Are you using your gifts? Are you showing the glory of God?”
Participants of the Dating Manifesto conference
For those of us who are single, Anderson shared that God is the creator and supporter of marriage. “God is in a business of making good matches. He is not exhausted or perplexed with us. He knows what He is doing, and He is the biggest fan for marriage.”
God holds your future in His hands. “Although you may not see God working in your life every day, you may not see the exact steps He’s taking to orchestrate your future, He is. Learn to abide in Him and trust Him for your future. Know that He’s a good God and He knows what He’s doing.”
NOTE: Lisa Anderson has written a book called The Dating Manifesto, which content is briefly shared in this article. For more in-depth insights, you can purchase this book here.
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